Welcome to Iowa, where the winters are as unforgiving as the ice on my windshield each morning... man, it sure would be nice to have a garage right about now. Anyway, it’s time to bundle up, batten down the hatches, and make sure your home —and your sanity — are ready for the deep freeze, which is coming sooner rather than later. So let me break down the essentials to get done now, sprinkled with just the right amount of frost-bitten humor.

Credit: Canva
Credit: Canva
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1. Flipping the Script: Ceiling Fans

Credit: Canva If only I could find the same joy in menial labor as this man does...
Credit: Canva
If only I could find the same joy in menial labor as this man does...
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Clockwise or Get Clocked by the Cold: Ceiling fans aren’t just for summer. In the winter, switching your fan to rotate clockwise at a low speed pulls cool air up, pushing the warm air that naturally rises back down. This can help distribute heat more evenly, making your home feel warmer without cranking up the thermostat.

2. Furnace Fables: The Tale of the Filter

Credit: Canva One of these things is not like the other. YUCK!
Credit: Canva
One of these things is not like the other. YUCK!
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Change Your Filter, Not Your Furnace: A clean furnace filter improves airflow and efficiency, which can save on heating costs. Neglecting this can force your furnace to work harder, leading to higher bills and potentially costly repairs. Regular maintenance ensures it’s ready to handle Iowa’s brutal winter temperatures. Remember your filter shouldn't look like the lint trap on your dryer... speaking of which.

3. Lint Rollers Won’t Save You: Dryer Vent Edition

Credit: Canva The "You were just one load away from burning down your house" package.
Credit: Canva
The "you were just one load away from burning down the house" package.
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Lint Trap, Not Fire Trap: Dryer vents can become clogged with lint — especially if you're bad about cleaning out your lint filter — which is highly flammable. With thicker winter clothes shedding more lint, it’s crucial to clean the vents regularly. This not only prevents fires but also ensures your dryer runs efficiently, saving energy and reducing drying time.

4. Seal the Deal: Windows and Doors

Credit: Canva / Frost King Window Sealer
Credit: Canva / Frost King Window Sealer
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Plastic: It’s Fantastic: Drafty windows and doors let cold air sneak in, making your heating system work overtime. By sealing windows with plastic film and using draft stoppers under doors, you can keep the cold out and the warmth in, reducing energy waste and lowering heating costs.

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5. Hose Be Gone

Credit: Canva This is every homeowners nightmare.
Credit: Canva
This is every homeowner's nightmare.
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Unhook or Unhappy: Leaving hoses connected during a freeze can cause water in the pipes to expand and burst, leading to flooding and significant damage. Unhooking hoses and draining spigots prevent this icy disaster and keeps your basement dry. Nothing is worse than a flooded home in the middle of winter.

6. Shovel Savvy: The Iowa Winter Workout

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Credit: Canva
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Shovel Smarter, Not Harder: Snow shoveling is a necessary evil in Iowa winters, but the right shovel can make all the difference. Bent-handle shovels reduce strain on your back, making the task less painful and more manageable, especially after repeated snowfalls.

7. Snowblower Showdown

Credit: Canva Picture representation of my life right here. Thank goodness I have some good neighbors and usually get a little help when it gets nasty out.
Credit: Canva
Picture representation of my life, right here. Thank goodness I have some good neighbors and usually get a little help when it gets nasty out.
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Blow Your Mind, Not Your Back: Add this one to my list of 'I wish.' For heavy snowfalls, a snowblower is a game-changer. It saves time and physical effort, especially when dealing with Iowa’s frequent and substantial snow. Choosing a model that’s easy to start and maneuver ensures you can clear your driveway without breaking a sweat—or your back. Trust me, since I started shoveling snow at around age 7 or 8, and continue to this day, it has only gotten less fun and more difficult.

8. Winter Wardrobe Wonders: Kid Edition

Credit: Chris Sorensen YouTube Channel If your kid is bundled up as much as Ralphie's brother in "A Christmas Story," apparently you're doing it right.
Credit: Chris Sorensen YouTube Channel
If your kid is bundled up as much as Ralphie's brother in "A Christmas Story," apparently, you're doing it right.
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Layers of Love: Dressing children in layers traps heat and keeps them warm during outdoor play, waiting for the school bus, or walking to and from home. Kids lose heat faster than adults, so bundling them up helps prevent hypothermia and keeps them comfortable in frigid weather. And for you adults, it's always a good idea to drop an extra pair of gloves and a stocking cap into the trunk of your vehicle, just in case.

9. Thermostat Tactics

Credit: Canva It's already at 70!!! Someone's dad is going to be super upset...
Credit: Canva
It's already at 70!!! Someone's dad is going to be super upset...
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The Great Thermostat Debate: Setting your thermostat to 68°F can significantly reduce heating costs while still keeping your home comfortable. Each degree lower can save up to 3% on your heating bill. Wearing extra layers inside can keep you cozy without the financial chill.

10. Cutting Costs Without Cutting Off Toes

Credit: Canva
Credit: Canva
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Energy Efficiency 101: Heavy curtains, weather stripping, and programmable thermostats help maintain indoor temperature without over-relying on your heating system. These small investments can make a big difference in reducing energy consumption and keeping your home warm without sky-high bills.

Embracing Iowa winter is like getting a surprise snowball to the face—it’s best to prepare for the burn and be able to laugh it off. Follow these tips, and you’ll be snug as a bug in a rug, even when the thermometer, and the meteorologist, says otherwise.

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