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First ‘Fifty Shades Darker’ Teaser Invites You to Slip Into Something That’s Probably a Lot Less Comfortable

Hey, remember that brief, wacky moment in pop culture history when Fifty Shades of Grey dominated (sorry) the media and resulted in several awkward phone calls with your mom? Yeah? Good. You might also remember that we still have two sequels to look forward to based on E.L. James’ trilogy of erotic novels, and the teaser for the first, Fifty Shades Darker, has arrived along with a new poster that cordially invites you to the premiere of the first full trailer.

In anticipation of tomorrow’s debut of the official trailer, Sony has released the first teaser (above) and poster for Fifty Shades Darker, in which Christian Grey (Jamie Dornan) and Anastasia Steele (Dakota Johnson) appear to be getting all gussied up for a totally normal and not-at-all inappropriate masquerade party. I can only hope that their new safe word is “Fidelio.”

Here’s the new poster, which looks like Eyes Wide Shut by way of The Huntsman: Winter’s War (IF ONLY):


More like “slip into something a little more awkward and uncomfortable and trying too hard to look sexy, to be honest.”

As you’ve probably guessed by now — spoiler…? — Ana gets back together with Christian following their big break-up at the end of Fifty Shades of Grey — you know, when she basically said, “I want you to hit me with that wooden paddle as hard as you can,” and then he did, and then she dumped him because it made her realize that Fight Club is actually lesser David Fincher, or something. To be fair, Ana easily had like, eight good reasons to not date that guy in the first place, so she doesn’t really need an excuse to bail.

At any rate, Johnson and Dornan are back in the first of two sequels (which they filmed back to back, like ripping off a band-aid, which is probably another one of Christian’s fetishes) directed by James Foley (Fear) and scripted by E.L. James’ husband, Niall Leonard.

Fifty Shades Darker also stars Hugh Dancy, Bella Heathcote, Tyler Hoechlin, Rita Ora, Marcia Gay Harden, Eloise Mumford, Luke Grimes, Max Martini and The Knick’s Eric Johnson, and hits theaters on Valentine’s Day 2017 (or close to it). Fifty Shades Freed will arrive on Valentine’s Day 2018 — which kind of makes this franchise the erotic version of Saw. Really brings a new meaning to the term “torture porn.”

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